Beach Days

Summer has officially arrived in Edmonton, which means we finally get to go to the beach! For an adult the beach is a place to relax, get a tan and maybe have a ice cold drink ( beer or ice coffee, whichever you prefer) but for a 1 year old the beach is a whole new world which needs exploring. Lukas was in and out of the water like a mad man, and we chased after him the whole time. It wasn’t all child’s play though, Ryan and I got to try paddle boarding for the first time (no pictures of us on the board because I didn’t want to loose my phone or camera). There are downsides to the beach however, sun burns and sand in uncomfortable places are inevitable. Regardless of the few minor set backs, it was the perfect day, with perfect weather and perfect company.

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Look at the adorable baby gut

Birthdays + Warm Weather

So Edmonton is known for having the most bipolar weather in the world. One day it’s -30, the next it’s +5. Today was one of those +5 days. Today was also my youngest nephews 5th birthday party, and they celebrated at an indoor jungle gym.

Lukas was in baby heaven at this jungle gym, and I was in mommy hell. There’s no sitting for a mom with a 1 year old, surrounded by other small children who just had cake and pop, and a toddler play pen to himself. Look at that goofy smile!

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When we finally left not only was I thrilled, but I was exhausted. When we got home, we didn’t get to relax though, we had to set up a new car seat in my car for Lukas. Naturally, he ran around all over the place. I took advantage of the warm weather (it’s supposed to get cold again tomorrow) and wore some cute shorts and shades and snapped some pics! Wasn’t summer weather yet so I had to throw on a rusty pink sweater, paired with some dirty converse and I was all set. DSC_0266 4.32.40 PMDSC_0269 4.32.40 PMDSC_0277DSC_0278DSC_0279DSC_0280DSC_0282

Family Weekend

Our lives are crazy busy, it’s always GO GO GO! when we get a chance to take Lukas to the park, we grab it by the horns. He such an energetic kid that it’s great to let him walk around and explore, he also loves the swings! I have never seen a kid look so cute on the swings before, but I’m bias.

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I look very afraid in the photo above, and it’s because I am. I didn’t want to push him too hard!

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Outfit Details.

Jacket : H&M

Jeans: Urban Outfitters

Tank : Aritzia

Bag : Michael Kors

Shoes : Steve Madden

Big Scarves, Leather jackets and ripped jeans

I live for casual, but I also strive for cute. Some day’s that seems almost impossible, but when it finally happens I have to get a photo (or two) for proof. This is pre hockey game, baby’s playing in the living room, impromptu-balcony photo shoot.

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Scarf : Aritzia

Jacket : H&M

Jeans : Urban Outfitters

Boots : Steve Madden

Bag : Michael Kors

My Year Through Pictures

Since it’s New Years Eve I thought it only fitting to show my 9 most popular photos on instagram and a personal little blurb to go with them. I am an awful blogger who rarely get’s photo’s taken of her so this will have to do for now, but believe me I am trying.

From top left to bottom right

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  1. One of my favourite lukas photos, I just think he looks so precious. This is when we went skating and he got all bundled up. He had so much fun in his little skating sleigh. A great 2016 moment.
  2. Dental Assistants unite! This was the day after the elections and we honestly just needed some cheering up.
  3. Christmas festival in Beaumont. It was about half an hour past Lukas’ bedtime so he was a little cranky but he got to meet Santa (which he didn’t like)
  4. New glasses means new selfies. Why not with red lips?
  5. Baby’s first Halloween! He dressed up as a bear cub and he was the cutest little bear I’d ever seen
  6. This photo is not mine to post, Lewiston is a 5 month old who passed away of SMA. His story broke my heart and even though I’d never met him I think about him all the time.
  7. Fort Edmonton park had some nice turkey’s walking around and Lukas was smitten.
  8. Christmas shopping requires Christmas drinks
  9. Baby’s first Christmas and my favourite so far

 

I wish you and your loved ones a happy New Year! Lots of love and good health.

How Jealousy affects me

I have never been a jealous person, but I also don’t think I’ve ever been truly in love, until now.

Trying to explain why I get jealous now is like trying to explain how water tastes, I just don’t know. All I know is that it affects me and it hurts me and I’m not entirely sure how to handle it.

I used to think that if you really trusted someone, there would be no need to e jealous but I’ve learned the hard way that that is not always the case. Jealousy is a whole new ball game and trust has nothing to do with it. Confidence, however, does. And I find the more jealous I feel the less confident I am.

I’m not jealous in a sense that I wish I had something someone else has, or I looked like someone else, I’m honestly only jealous when it comes to my relationship. His past strongly affects my present and I don’t know why.

I don’t to travel where he’s traveled with another girl because I know he’s kissed and loved her there. It’s suddenly tainted. I don’t want to wear what his past girlfriends wore because I fear it’ll  make him think of them. And the list goes one. You can see how it affects me.

I understand that this is all irrational and silly, and yet I still can’t help it. I believe in what we have and what our future holds but I can’t let go of his past. I have a past of my own, but for whatever reason my past doesn’t even feel like it existed, it was never important and it was never real.

 

The nights I’ve spent just thinking about it all can drive even the most rational person mad. Mixing anxiety and jealousy has been proved to be deadly (literally) and it’s one of the hardest things I face and it’s my biggest fear and my biggest downfall.

 

how can I control something I can’t even explain? How can I become more “normal”?

How being a mom helped my anxiety

First things first, this is a personal experience post. I am in no way saying that being a mom cures anxiety or that everyone is going to experience it the same way I did. I have always had anxiety, about everything. I’d leave my house an hour earlier than i needed to just so I wouldn’t be late, I would avoid certain functions because I knew it would be crowded, and I was also comparing myself to every girl I came across. Since I’ve had Lukas, I’ve never felt better. I’d be lying if I said I was cured or that I wasn’t still anxious or insecure, but it’s a lot better. My first thought is always Lukas, “is Lukas safe, will he be okay, is he comfortable?”. I don’t have the time to be anxious anymore. I am so busy making sure that he’s ok that I don’t even stop to make sure that I am. Nights when he’s asleep and I’m settled is a different story but thats not the point. Once I realize that Lukas is fine and happy, I’m calm and I’m also happy. My anxiety was always selfish and now I can’t be selfish anymore and it’s a huge weight off my shoulders. image1